Just for Becky...

I thought this might amuse you... the quiz, not so much my particular answer. (Sometimes I didn't understand the questions... so there might be operator error in my evaluation) Oh, and after I took the quiz, I just clicked somewhere in the middle of the bottom bar and that gave me my answer!

What Book Are You?

Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a
mystery novel dealing with theology,
especially with catholic vs liberal issues.
You search wisdom and knowledge endlessly,
feeling that learning is essential in life.


Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

All I'm Sayin' Is...

After looking at these skating costumes

...is it a surprise that the Ukraine is a 3rd world country?

I think not.

Turns out the Ukraine government spent more on these snappy duds than they did on orphins all year long.

Sleepy Bear

Editors Note: So... as it turns out, I am averaging nearly 120 hits a DAY on my blog. How cool is that? Seriously, I don't think I know 120 people... ok at least I don't think I know 120 who can read! HA! (Am I biting the hand that feeds me?)

Well, this is a very funny picture I had to post for everyone. It will serve a dual purpose for me... first it will encourage my husband to read my blog more often, just to make sure I am not posting pictures of him. Secondly, because I would never believe that this was possible and I wanted proof of it: not only is my husband sleeping backwards in the bed... he is sleeping under a big messy pile of blankets.
For those of you who do not know my husband, he is the epitome of neat and orderly. Seriously, he should have made his career in the military. Randy is the kind of guy who irons his undershirts. He organizes his closet according to season, and then sub-organizes those clothes by color. He is incredible and highly efficient in this area. When we go to bed, he MUST have everything tucked in tightly and all blankets must be smooth, orderly, and evenly placed on the bed. He even sleeps in an orderly fashion.

I, on the other hand, couldn't exist in such an environment. Sleeping the same direction every night is beyond me... why would you want to do that? We need to change things up. Sometimes I sleep with my head at the other end of the bed, one time I asked Randy to sleep on the couch so I could sleep across the middle of the bed. He did not oblige.

Being such opposites, one would think that the middle ground is hard to find. Not so. We just use separate blankets and sheets. His are neat and tidy... mine are piled in a big heap on my body, so I can thrash around during the night creating a tight cocoon of blankets, sheets, comforters, and pillows. (Yes, once Randy woke up to find I had place my pillows on top of myself to keep warm and I was using my blankets at a pillow.)

The humor in this picture is that Randy was so tired (about 8 hrs. sleep in 3 days) that he just walked into the room and fell onto the bed (my side). I don't know if he is even aware that he did this... but I am. And now you are too!

Upon reflection, I suddenly understand how THIS happens!

Artwork

Tinkerbell (our cat) is so creative. Look what she made for Randy out of a simple piece of cardboard! I put it up on the fridge.

Ah, love!

The scene: My husband is sitting in front of the computer, feverishly computing the exact blend of hops, grains, and yeast for his next batch of beer. I sense his need to be left alone, yet I am struck by the intense desire to annoy him anyway.

Me: "Honey, how much do you love me?"
Randy: (hoping to get out of this with a quick answer) "More than you can imagine"
Me: (aware that he is trying to get out of this with a quick answer) "Seriously, if you had to quantify your love for me... how much would you say?"
Randy: "Oh, about two pounds worth."

At this point, Randy has realized what I am up to, and is now luring me in to beat me at my own game.

Me: (not yet aware that he has taken control of this conversation) "Based on what scale?"
Randy: (showing NO sign of irritation) "The scale of how much I love you"
Me: (starting to get irritated)"But what is your reference point? Where did you get two pounds of love?"
Randy: (obviously amused at my irritation) "From deep in my heart"
Me: (Stomps out of room, totally annoyed) "Jackass"
Randy: (Highly amused with himself, returns to his calculations)

Three minutes later...

Me: (Returning for round two) "Why do you do that? Why do you have to be so... so tolerant? It's really annoying, ya know!"
Randy: (without looking away from the computer)"The irony here is that the exact trait you are so annoyed with, is the trait that allows me to tolerate you most of the time"
Me: "Whatever! You are so lucky that you were stupid enough to marry me!"
Randy: (Remains focused on the computer, says nothing but now has HUGE smile across his face.)
Me: "Jackass"



PS... love the roses he gave me for V-day? I do too!

Check this out

This is the coolest freaking website.

AHHHRRRGGHHHH!

I just logged onto one of my message boards... and I was checking over my bio-page. That damn thing has me listed as 30! Pardon me while I FREAK OUT! Apparently I put my birth YEAR into the site and it just assumed that I was already there! Quel Horror! This sucks. Super sucks. I guess I'll have to worry about it tomorrow, because I need to get to bed... I have to be up at 4 am. Boooo!!!! Like I said before, if I must be awake at 4 am, I'd prefer to do it from the opposite direction... after a long night of fun, fun, fun. Hmmm... can't even recall the last time I did that... if this is what it means to be an adult, I call a do-over!

Just a little something to get your weekend started!

Hooked on a feeling...

You have to see this! I think David Hasseloff is making yet another comeback! I love the oohaga-chakka-hoohaga-chakka in the background of the music. Totally H-O-T! (just click on the little triangle-thing in the middle of the screen and E-N-J-O-Y!)

Umm... what's up with the wiener dogs in the video? I guess he is just too hip for me.

Happy Dance!

I have been waiting and waiting for Becky (my sister) to post this to her blog so all I have to do is link my blog to it... but little miss slacker-pants is just waaaayyy too busy. So I am going to celebrate for her!!! Not only did she get accepted into the PhD program atthe school is also giving her
$100,000 package to attend!
So in the sports world, she just scored a 4 year, $100,000 contract!She shoots, she scores!

We are all so proud and happy for her. I think we should all do the happy dance! Congrats Beck! We are all thrilled for you! (I am just happy to get you out of the state! ha ha)

My new study buddy!

...and snacking buddy. He's my big boy!

Oopsie!

Today may hold the record for my absolutely worst showing in class ever. EVER. I had an exam this morning and things didn't go quite as well as I had hoped. The unfortunate part is that I really studied for this one. Not the normal, read-the-chapter-before-I-fall-asleep-at-midnight. Noooo... this was a multi-day process.

And I went down in flames.

You say it's not possible to score in the negative? I did. So on my next exam, they will just deduct 7 points off the top. You know, to make up for today's deficiency.

That's how bad it was.

Basically, I studied all of the wrong stuff. The worst part is that the exam wasn't a nice ''choose the best answer: A. B. C. or D''. No, this was one of those ''fill in the five-inch-blank'' kinda exams. My strategy was to head straight to the questions I thought I could easily answer, you know, to build my confidence. Then I worked my way around the test looking for questions I could bullshit my way through. Finally, after finishing three questions total, I took on the rest of the exam. My motto was, " when in doubt, be obscure" For one answer, I sketched an actual pie chart. I added a few pieces of chicken scratch writing, tossed a few French phrases I remembered from 8th grade, and added some arrows for flare!

I will spend the rest of the week avoiding eye contact with my professor, and acting particularly preoccupied between classes.

"What 'cha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk..."

So... as I was dancing around in my kitchen to the Black Eyed Peas album on my ipod, I realized that my neighbors have a direct view right into my home. Hope nobody over there has a bolg and a camera! I'm toast! I just can't help it... I Loooove the Peas!!!

The View From Here...

This is the view from my bedroom window everyday! Randy and I refer to him as Mr. Miyagi (from the Karate Kid). I was thrilled to see that he was practicing at the same time I was conveniently playing paparazzi. He begins in 'first position',

then carefully moves on to 'the block'

The third picture is right after a nice jump and twirl maneuver...

and finally, 'the bow'.

Bravo, Mr. Miyagi! Another fine performance!

Camel Toe

When a woman's clothing clings so tightly to her crotch that a viewer can make out the cleft between the labia, she is showing camel toe. So named for the similarity to the actual toe of a camel.

Time Out!

I think this blog is killing me! I have been blogging up a storm recently but my sleep time has been lacking. It is starting to take a toll on my lovely body! I am going to take a few days off and LEAVE THE COMPUTER ALONE! I have a pile of exams next week and I need to stay focused. Sorry 'bout that, but I gotta do what I gotta do. If I think of anything funny, I will post it... but for now I need to slow up on the blogging! Maybe 2 or 3 times a week?! For those of you in the respiratory world, I am taking you off of A/C and placing you on SIMV for now. For those of you not in the respiratory world, that joke is freaking hilarious. Trust me.

Thanks!

Jo

Bombeck. Erma Bombeck.

I've always loved laughing. When I was a child, my father introduced me to Laurel and Hardy. To this day I can still remember the first time I watched Stanley create "another fine mess" by rolling a piano over Oliver. I was instantly hooked. When my dad dragged home that rented VCR every Tuesday night (we couldn't afford one yet) with a Laurel and Hardy video just for me, it was better than Christmas.

As I grew older, funny old movies turned into funny books. In my early teens I discovered the brilliance of Erma Bombeck! She found the humor in everyday life. At the age of 13 I didn't care that she was writing about motherhood and being a housewife, (things I could hardly relate to at the time) I wanted to be just like her! Recently I stumbled upon an old Erma quote, "When my children were younger, I figured out there were two kinds of mothers: those who dragged themselves out of a warm bed and put nutritious chili in a wide-mouth thermos, and those who stuck a stick of gum and a picture of The Virgin Mary in a sack with instructions to "Trade up!" This quote reminded me how much I loved her humor and writing.

As it turns out, Erma's passion is still alive.
I found a web site about an annual Erma Bombeck Writing Competition. I was pretty excited to see what new humor writers are putting out there these days! You can only imagine my surprise to read THIS. This girl won first place? I was stunned. Is this a high school competition? Poor Erma. If this is the best we have, maybe we should just toss out the baby with the bathwater! I miss Erma.

How???

How do I manage to wake up every morning looking like this???

It's true...

Black and white photography really does cover a multitude of sins!

What perfection!

Just wanted to let you all know that I can now take blogging to the next level...

I have discovered audioblogging... now when I am on the road and away from my computer, I can just call my blog in and it will automatically post! That is what the sound bite is above! Check it out!

In and Out

So there is a group of guys who went out and ordered a 100x100 In and Out burger! Then they ate it. Every bite. Back in the day I had a friend who could pull this off. Tim, if you are out there... I think you should give it a try.

You know you want it.

Introducing... Miss Maggie!!!

After the tragic loss of Abby <~~click (the family lab) last year, my parent's home was uncharacteristically quiet. Fortunately Maggie has joined the ranks! Miss Maggie was a rescue dog, with a troubled past. I am sure she will soon do what everybody else in my family does... work through the pain with food. Enjoy your doggie biscuits, pup. Your 90-day probation begins today, good luck!

Update: thanks for the comment, Becks... I've slept 8 hrs in three days... cut me some slack.

Just A Sweet Transvestite...

Tonight I worked a shift at the Macaroni Grill... I agreed to close the restaurant down, so everyone else who actually took interest in the super bowl could have the night off. Every night after the restaurant is closed and all of the guests have left, we have a cleaning crew come in and do all of the detail work on the floors and walls. Pretty boring stuff. Nothing special happens. Tonight a guy and a girl both showed up and started to clean a little early. Twice I asked the girl a few questions, but she only nodded in response. It wasn't until I was about to clock out and leave that she finally addressed me verbally. (In retrospect, I feel kinda bad, but...) The moment "her" baritone voice hit my ears, my head snapped around and my jaw dropped to the floor. I was stunned. S/he wasn't a large individual, and it wasn't terribly obvious that s/he was in "transition", so I was genuinely shocked. Leave it to the Mac G... our cleaning lady is a trannie! Fantastic!

DUH!

Editor's Note: Randy said that it is probably "no big deal" only half of the time! Isn't he witty!?

I found this article recently:

Bipolar Gene Discovery No Big Deal To Bipolar Disability Victims

The recent discovery of the gene responsible for bipolar disorder holds scientific interest, but certainly no consolation for the many thousands of bipolar sufferers in the U.S. whose symptoms have become so severe that they can no longer hold down regular jobs. These symptoms range from extreme mood swings or manic episodes to feelings of hopelessness, even suicide attempts.

I just thought the title of the article was mostly amusing. Of course it's "no big deal" to them. They are friggin' BIPOLAR!

Brokeback...

I was one of the many people who went to see Brokeback Mountain and LOVED it. I did find the more intimate parts a bit difficult to watch, but it was an amazing story. However, I think I should apologize just in case I am the only one who thinks this is funny.

Click On The Picture Below...

Don't worry, there aren't any naked body parts or anything of that nature.

Do you speak English well?

Tonight I was working at Riverside Community Hospital, when a trauma came into the ER. Since my night had been painfully boring, I decided to stroll on into the trauma room to watch the action. The patient was being poked by no less than six different people while the doctor was telling her what was going on and what would soon be happening. I noticed that the patient, although awake, was not responding to the doctor. The doctor asked a few questions but the patient continued to ignore the doctor.


Finally he asked her "Do you speak English good?"
She responded with a nod. Yes she did.
"Good..." the doctor responded, "So do I."

It took every ounce of self-control not to disagree with his definition of "good English".