"Hail Mary, Full of Grace..."

Once again, my sense of humor has left me singled out.

Let us return to the ER, where today I was dealing with a patient in one "room" (by room, I mean an area roughly 5 feet wide and 10 feet long, divided by curtains) while one curtain over, a patient was having a CVP line placed into his chest. Now this procedure is somewhat painful but I have seen much worse. Even though I was separated from the CVP patient by a curtain, I could hear every single sound he made. I wasn't shocked to hear his moaning and whimpering, but what came after that was freaking hysterical.

ER DOC: OK, I am going to prep this area on your chest and then insert a line into your heart.

Patient: Oooohhh... uhhhhh... ohhhh Dear God, please be careful. I can't take much more.

Me: (thinking to myself) Much more than what? He's been in a bed doing nothing for the past 3 hours!

ER DOC: I need you to lie still and try not to move.

Patient: (Loud enough for everyone in the ER to hear) Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do!

Me: Still on other side of curtain trying not to snort out a laugh because this guy is totally quoting Jesus Christ! Is this guy serious?

Patient: (...and again) Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do!

Me: Couldn't hold snort back any longer, now trying to hide my giggles. Apparently this guy thinks he is being nailed to a cross over there. I get my first dirty look from the nurse.

Patient: Oh! Stop! Stop! Please! Stop! Please don't break my bones. I can feel it breaking my bones! Please stop! Don't hurt my bones.

ER Nurse: Sir, the doctor is only shaving your chest. We can't hurt your bones.

ME: Blaaha ha ha ha!!!

I didn't even look towards the nurse and I knew she was giving me a dirty look!

On the bright side, the Patient did absolve the ER Doc and Nurse of their sins. I guess that's a plus.