Some Days.

There are no words to express how much we all miss my father-in-law. Although most days I feel blessed simply because I spent nearly 10 years knowing him, some days the ache just bubbles up in the most unexpected ways.

Today, for instance, Lacy and I were on our way to Costco and I couldn't hold the grief in for another moment so I drove as quietly as possible with tears falling down my face. Really, I blame Bob Seger. Somewhere along our trip down the 10 freeway, Old Time Rock and Roll came on the radio, and I started singing. Lacy, as always, joined in as quickly as she could figure out the words. I glanced into the rear-view mirror to find my three year old sitting in her seat, eyes closed, moving her head up and down to the beat, toes tapping. Lacy doesn't just listen to music, I am convinced she feels it. And as I watched her experience Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band for her first time, I missed Big Randy. He would have loved this moment. I am convinced, if given the time here with us, he would have introduced Lacy to every band of the 60's and 70's. I regret that she won't have that time. Those two belonged together in more ways than just music.

Anybody who spent more than three minutes with Big Randy knew that he loved food. He loved everything about it, and then he loved to cover it in pepper and eat it. When I conjure up old memories of him, I remember him taking a bite of something he had never tried before, closing his big blue eyes, tilting his head full of wild hair back and savoring every bite. The first time I saw Lacy do this, I about fell over. She does the EXACT same thing. She is the only toddler I know that has eaten, and will continue to eat, things like squid, alligator, hummus, pepper, and various other random items. She is willing to try almost anything, and prefers it covered in pepper, just like her Gramps did. It is a terrible injustice that he did not get the chance to find new and unusual delicacies with his granddaughter.

Most of all, I would have loved to see Lacy and Gramps planting flowers in his front yard. Lacy loves flowers. According to Lacy, it is simply unacceptable to pass by a flower and not stop to admire it. Big Randy would work out in his yard every weekend wearing a big floppy hat. Lacy has one in the same style (except hers is bright purple). Sometimes when we drive over to the house, I look over to the round brick planters and just imagine the two of them wearing those hats, planting flowers. They would have loved every moment.