The Bite Marks

They didn't really photograph all that well, but these are the infamous bite marks that just break my heart. We had another meltdown today... and the biting was much worse. Fortunately I was better able to deal with it and I just ignored her. She bit her arms and fingers over and over while screaming, "LOOK! LOOK! I BITE MYSELF!!!". I just walked past her and pretended to not even notice. After the meltdown she was back to normal and she tried to show me her arms... I said, "I don't want to see your arms. We don't bite our arms in this family so I am not interested in looking at yours." It was obvious she was not expecting that reaction. We were able to move though this meltdown a bit quicker than the last one. I figure we will be doing this for the next month or so. Lord, give me strength.

One of my biggest concerns so far is that I was told she really doesn't have the ability to self-soothe, so I worry the entire time that I am doing the wrong thing by letting her flail around on the ground and scream like a total brat. Should I be doing something else? The only thing that I've noticed is that the MINUTE she gets what she wants the tantrum is over. So I suspect she is totally able to self-soothe. Whaddya think?

Dragons and Baskets of Animals

While Lacy was in the ICU at Loma Linda, we bought her a Dragon outfit. She loves it. Even wanted to wear it while helping daddy do some yard work.

This was Lacy's idea of putting her stuffed animals away!

Melting Down...

It was 2:10 pm this afternoon and the house was quite and reasonably clean. Lacy had used the toilet three times since waking up this morning at 6 am. Silly me, I thought things were going well. Around 2:11 PM I heard my name being called... evidently nap time was officially over.

I took Lacy off her vent and took her to the bathroom so she could use the "potty". Lacy wanted none of this. I took my usual spot sitting on the side of the bath tub and she on the toilet and the meltdown began. She wanted down. No she didn't want down. Yes she did want down. No, wait she wanted to be left on the potty. I helped her put her feet in her pull-ups and she began kicking and screaming and then hitting. Kicking and screaming I will let slide if it's just a minor flair up, however, hitting is a non negotiable. Immediate time-out.

Lacy was placed sans pull ups (aka butt naked) on her time out mat. Let the games begin.

Me: "You do not hit people. You will sit in time out for two minutes. Then you will put your pull-ups on"

Lou: "No no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! I will not."

I placed her on her mat and walked to the other end of the hall, pretending to ignore the screaming... but seriously, I think people in Lake Arrowhead could hear the screaming at this point. After two minutes I let her know that it was over, she just needed to put on her pull ups and she could go play.

Lou: "No NO NO NO NO NO I will not! I don't have to!!!!!"

hmmmm... seems like we've already heard this argument... guess we will just ignore it.


Lacy, being highly experienced in the art of tantrums, decided to kick it up a notch. She began to slam her head against the wall. At TK this would usually get some form of a reaction. At Casa De Isley, this only had her moved to the middle of the living room away from walls and safely on carpet. The screaming intensified... didn't think she could go much higher, but I have to give that girl credit she really did commit to her tantrum. I walked to the kitchen (all of 15 feet away) and started doing dishes. I reminded her that she needed to put on her pullups before she got up. I will spare you her exact response, but there was screaming and yelling and flailing and some gnashing of teeth. I made a frantic call to one of my best friends to make sure that other kids do this kind of thing (they totally do) and then called my mom.

Then the biting began. Lacy was ready to take this, once again, to the next level. She was determined to get attention and get her way. So she began to bite her arms. I was devastated. I wanted to make her stop, but I knew she was trying to manipulate me. Then she started crying "owwie owie, mommie my arms they hurt..." All I could say was, "put on your pullups and you can be done"

Lou: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO I DON'T HAVE TO!!!!!!!

I made a quick call to her social worker to let him know about the arm bites... not sure what I was supposed to do about it, but since she didn't break the skin, I figured we were still OKAY.

I continued to ignore her. Around 2:45 she walked into my room (still screaming mad) but she was wearing her pullups. backwards and all bunched up. I didn't care. I was secretly so proud of her and reassured that I had done the right thing. I started clapping and telling her how proud I was of her... and her response: "Get away from me, I don't like you" and off she went to the living room to scream some more.

Another call made for reassurance that I was doing the right thing... I was, other kids do this too, I was told that to just tell her that I love her and I'd be right her waiting for her when she was done. Ten minutes later we were best friends again. I told her again that I loved her and I was glad she put her pullups on.

That was my first meltdown. One very long hour. We had survived. Pullups were on and Lacy was happy as a clam.

3:30 pm Randy was now home from school and I was in my room getting things ready for work.

Lacy came into my room walked over me and said, "Mom... I love you".

Pay Dirt!

Preschool!

Praise the Lord, preschool started today! I know, I know... how pathetic is it that I couldn't even last a week!? Honestly, I am having a blast with her, it's just really hard with working nights. Especially when I work three nights in a row and then have to be up all day to watch Lacy. I thought I was going to fall over dead last week with that schedule. I was soooo painfully tired. Fortunately Lacy is back in preschool from 8 - 12 so I will be able to get a few hours of sleep during the day. Woo Hoo.

Meeting The Cousins...

Yesterday I took Lacy to my parent's house for the first time. She had a BLAST with her grandpa Mike and Grammy Judy. Unfortunately I left the camera in the WRONG FREAKING CAR so I have no pictures. I know... I am still kicking myself! It was a pretty cute time together. On the way home she told me, "Mommy, that Mike is a pretty smart boy!" Clearly she's a quick study on people!

Today we went to the OC for a baby shower for Randy's cousin Staci. After a few minutes in the car, Lacy was completely asleep (she was already on her vent). I made Randy pull over so we could reassess the situation and try to sit her back up. This is what we found...







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After an hour of watching her every move and her vent settings with a tad bit of anxiety that something was going to go wrong (nothing did, she was just fine) we arrived at our destination. Lacy was going to meet her cousin Mac...

Also present was the infamous Matthew James (he is by far the best character in this entire family... and I personally ADORE him). In addition, it was my love for Matthew that really sent me towards adopting a special needs child. So Matt means a lot to me. Matthew refers to himself as the Great Grand Uncle to Lacy and Mac. He is the most loving and sweet guy with them. In this picture Lacy was feeding Matthew his third box of candy. Matt was happy oblige.

You only have to be around Lacy for 30 seconds to recognize that she has somewhat of a strong personality. Since we met her I have been curious how Lacy would respond to another child with the same personality type. Mac tends to have the same strong personality. As I expected, Lacy let Mac know who was the Alpha child in this relationship. I suspect that when we visit Mac's house, the terms of this relationship will shift... but it was pretty amusing to watch Lacy control the whole thing.

Mac was a pretty cool cucumber about everything, he just went about his business and didn't think anything of it. I like his style. I think I caught him checking out Lacy's butt...

Lacy was cracking me up, jumping in the air and landing on her bottom. Once I started laughing, it was all over, she was jumping over and over and over again!

As my laughter slowly ended, I was standing off to the side crying (just a little). I couldn't believe that a week ago, Lacy had never experienced a family event. And now, here she was with family everywhere. She has grandparents who love and adore her, she has a cousin to play with and a huge family that treats her like she has been here all along. It was an emotional moment for me.

Just before we left, Uncle Jim gave Lacy a pumpkin. Lacy talked about the pumpkin and Uncle Jim all the way home. I think she was pretty impressed with them both!

She will be the first to tell you, "My name is Lacy Isley!"

Day Two...

Such a ham! Clearly she is taking after her father!



RosaLoca did very poorly in family court on Tuesday... things are looking fantastic for us. She is now denied most of her rights to Lacy... the saga continues...

Meeting the Family!

Lacy's first day home was filled with new experiences, and much to our relief she is loving every minute! I had to work last night, so Randy took Lacy out to his parent's house. Of course I called Randy a dozen times asking for detailed explanations and play by play commentary throughout the evening!

Lacy loved his parent's dogs. These dogs are incredibly sweet towards her, and Lacy was in heaven. I could hear her squealing with excitement when I called Randy.
Grams and Gramps spent some time showing Lacy the computer! I am not sure who is more excited about this new arrangement!

Still not home

We were not allowed to take Lacy home yesterday. Today is supposed to be the big finale. Who knows!?! There have been a few more kinks in the road, but I am holding strong. (Ok, maybe a few breakdowns). I will elaborate on everything later, but for now I work the next three nights (kinda used up most of my paid time off this last week) so I will prob. be back on Friday for a wrap-up. Also, my folks bought us a super cool video camera, so I am going to try to figure out how to get some video on my blog as well.

Ciao!

Oh... I have another crazy birth mom story (who will henceforth be called RosaLoca) She called the room yesterday in tears again all worried about how sick Lacy is and the fact that she is in the ICU... for the MILLIONTH time I explained to her that she is NOT sick, this is just a place for her to get the vent set up. While I had RosaLoca on the phone I asked her a few questions that I had previously been unable to answer regarding Lacy's birth.

ME: "So the doctors have asked me about Lacy's birth... was she a c-section or did you have her naturally?"

RosaLoca: "She was a c-section and we both DIED in the room"

ME: showing no surprise to her statement "You don't say."

RL: "Oh yes, but they revived us just in time! We were dead for a while. You know, it was a very hard pregnancy for me. I lived in TwentyNine Palms and had to walk almost 36 miles to work every day while I was pregnant with Lacy. I was all alone and I had to work to pay the bills. I didn't have anyone around to help me" ***

***In a previous conversation, RL told me that she was abused during her entire pregnancy by Lacy's birth father (who shall henceforth be known as The One Handed SpermDoner.) So obviously she wasn't too clear whether she was alone or not!

ME: "36 miles you say?"

RL: "Yes, it was not that easy, I think that is why she has her problems. Lacy is the reason my other child was taken from me... they said it was too dangerous for my child to be around Lacy in my home, she has that tube in her throat and my daughter could pull it out, so they took her away from me to protect Lacy."

ME: now totally pissed at this bullshit because RL has NEVER had Lacy in her home... "Rosa, I don't think that's the truth, you never had Lacy in your home with a trach, she went from the hospital to TK (the sub acute facility she grew up in) so there is no possible way your other child could have been an endangerment to Lacy's well being, she never had the opportunity"

RL: "Well, they did it to prevent anything just in case Lacy comes home. They needed my home to be safe".

ME: "OK, I gotta go now. Have a nice day" CLICK.

Norplant anyone?

Happy Birthday!!!!!

Happy Birthday, Sabrina!

We met ten years ago and we have been through it ALL!

It makes me happy to see how wonderful your life is going!

I am proud of you for all you have done!

Happy Happy Birthday!

Say A Prayer!!!

We are supposed to bring Lacy home for good today. But we are waiting for her bronch this morning. (bronch: bronchoscopy) She was supposed to get it done last week, but because she is under the state care, any invasive procedures must be approved by a judge. We had hoped to have it done and have her home last week, but no dice... so now we sit and wait. The bronch is scheduled for 11:30 am this morning and we still have no signed paperwork from the judge. Love that social services dept! Soooo please say a prayer that everything works out, we are anxious to get home and I am running out of paid time off at my job!

Side note: Randy and I shared our "last supper" together last night. We have known each other for over nine years so this was kind of a bittersweet moment for us. Our last dinner out as just the two of us!

OH, by the way...

I just received the report on our home inspection from the county... my house was rated "Exceptionally Clean"... so... to all of you nay-sayers who have lived with me, or have seen my version of housekeeping, I say: Bite Me. The government thinks I am exceptional. Let me see your paperwork!

Ready, Set... GO!

Over the past five months, Randy and I have visited Lacy almost every single day. With Randy back in school right now, I usually hang out around the house in the afternoon waiting for him to get home and then we pack up Lacy's dinner and head down to the facility to spend some time with her. Last Monday, around 3:15 PM, I was watching a little Oprah when the phone rang.

"Hello, this is Loma Linda Children's Hospital, can you have Lacy here by 5pm tonight? Make sure to bring her wheelchair and crutches" (PS Lacy has none of that, she is a perfectly normal kid with the exception of having her breathing problems... this was my first clue that these people had NO idea what was coming into the unit!)

"Ummm, yeah, sure. I will make the phone calls."

My internal monologue was as follows: OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! Ok, maybe it was more like OHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIT!

Within moments of the phone call, Randy was home and we were tossing clothes and toys into a bag for Lacy! We rushed down to the facility and waited for the "transport people" to show up and take her to LLU. Quickly we were all ushered into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit where for the FIRST TIME we were told that this could possibly be a multi-week stay. And just for the record, no, she is not allowed off of the unit. It was now my job to amuse this perfectly-healthy- almost-three-year-old for, at this point, an indefinite amount of time! And could I please do my best to keep her on her bed and attached to all of the monitoring.

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I called off work for the week, and moved into the PICU with Lacy.

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That's where I have been ALL WEEK.

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Lacy has been poked, measured, poked three more times, prodded, and checked out by immeasurable amount of doctors and other specialists. I am impressed how well she has just rolled with the situation. Every single person who walks into the room comments on how normal she is. Doctors, therapists, specialists... they all say the same thing, "Is THIS Lacy? She doesn't look like anything is wrong with her!"

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On Tuesday (maybe wed or thurs, I can't remember anymore) the birth mom showed up to the hospital with her "fiancee" in tow. These are some crazy people, I must say! Mom told me how she has seven children (has lost custody of all but Lacy...for now at least!) She told me about Lacy's dad, who I found on Megan's Law website... he is 32 yrs old, 6'1", and MISSING A HAND! Nice. Mom wasn't much better, she is a freaking nutcase and has hundreds of stories about how she is just a victim in this whole thing and that the courts are out to get her. FREAKING NUT! The Fiancee told me that he is a "crack baby". Friggin' Awesome.

Monday is our estimated day of departure from the hospital. Things could change at any moment, so I am not all that sure of the exact time... ok, gotta get in the shower and get back to the hospital. Will write more when I get home! Wish us luck!

Firsts...

Today was Lacy's first car ride home...

And our first dinner as a family...

And her first bath...

We were lucky enough to take her out on a "day pass". We picked her up right after her nap and she hopped right into her car seat and was ready to go.

On the way home I realized I still needed a few things for dinner... so with a little hesitation we stopped at the grocery store. Randy and I were both incredibly nervous because Lacy has never seen anything like a grocery store in her life. We were both amazed how well she adapted to the situation. We gave her the option of riding in the seat of a grocery cart or the cart with a little kid's car attached to the front. She INSISTED on riding in the front little car. Randy pushed the cart down the isle to the produce area, and I immediately took my defensive position against anyone or anything that might startle Lacy. It was the strangest experience. I was suddenly like a pit bull, ready to attack if needed. She, however, was very quiet and watched everything with an incredible intensity. I explained what we were doing every step of the way and she seemed to even enjoy herself. After we grabbed a few items, I let Lacy pick out some flowers from the floral area. She made sure to hold onto them all the way to the check-out area. Within a few minutes we were back in the car and on our way home.

Lacy was excited to see her new home, but at first didn't want to go any further than a few inches away from either Randy or myself. Until she saw Tink. Randy picked Tink up and Lacy was so sweet with her. "Hello, my name is Lacy. What's your name?" she said. Tink ignored her. "You have very pretty ears" added Lacy. Tink continued to ignore her. Lacy gently reached out and held Tink's paw (Randy had the death grip on his cat just in case, so we weren't too concerned for Lacy's safety at this point) and while holding Tink's paw Lacy said, "You have very pretty hands." I was pretty impressed with how gentle Lacy was with the cat.

During dinner, Lacy's nurse, Julie, from her facility dropped by to see her new home. Lacy was thrilled to see her and show off her new bed, toys, and her cat. Lacy even went potty for her Julie to see.

We hope to have her home soon. Randy and I can't wait!

Oh! I almost forgot my absolute favorite part of the night... during dinner Lacy turned to Randy and said, "Randy! You are in TIME OUT right now!" of course I cracked up laughing, and she immediately turned to me without missing a beat and said, "JO, eat your dinner! You are in time out too". What an assertive little personality! I love every bit of it.

"This is my very serious face, Jo"

Lacy has been practicing her "very serious" face lately. I was lucky enough to get a pic with my cell phone. Today was yet another court date. Pre-court trial, actually. Birth-mom is refusing to relinquish services (mom gets a $50 a month check to use for Lacy... other than the bag full of candy bars and a stuffed cat that smelled like an ash tray -which I helped Lacy name Virginia Slim- her birth mom has used none of that money on Lacy!) and mom doesn't want to give that monthly check up, I guess. Fortunately we have been given approval for Lacy to head off to the vent clinic at the children's hospital and from there she will come home with us! Looks like we are even closer to getting her home.

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one more pic, just because she is soooo freaking cute!

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Our only baby photo

One of the nurses was super cool and sent me a baby pic of Lacy! How cute is this? Still no word on things with her, but we should hear something on Monday!