Trufflebutt

My husband loves to play those online computer games. He spends hours creating and developing his characters. It has been brought to my attention that he developed a character "inspired" by yours truly. He was kind enough to break away from the game long enough to get me a copy of the character. My favorite touch is the flip-flops, or "flippities" as I refer to them. He even gave her my nickname, because I love See's Candies truffles so much... actually it was because I ate all of his See's Candies truffles one time.

My Kind of Parents...

Last night I had a really great time hanging out with my sister and my parents. At one point the conversation turned to the subject of raising kids and how to overcome some of the struggles with strong-willed children. Well, I think I found a way to put the fear of God into them... now,this is my kind of parenting... might want to turn your speakers up a bit... Click on the middle of the video to get it started.

"Hail Mary, Full of Grace..."

Once again, my sense of humor has left me singled out.

Let us return to the ER, where today I was dealing with a patient in one "room" (by room, I mean an area roughly 5 feet wide and 10 feet long, divided by curtains) while one curtain over, a patient was having a CVP line placed into his chest. Now this procedure is somewhat painful but I have seen much worse. Even though I was separated from the CVP patient by a curtain, I could hear every single sound he made. I wasn't shocked to hear his moaning and whimpering, but what came after that was freaking hysterical.

ER DOC: OK, I am going to prep this area on your chest and then insert a line into your heart.

Patient: Oooohhh... uhhhhh... ohhhh Dear God, please be careful. I can't take much more.

Me: (thinking to myself) Much more than what? He's been in a bed doing nothing for the past 3 hours!

ER DOC: I need you to lie still and try not to move.

Patient: (Loud enough for everyone in the ER to hear) Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do!

Me: Still on other side of curtain trying not to snort out a laugh because this guy is totally quoting Jesus Christ! Is this guy serious?

Patient: (...and again) Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do!

Me: Couldn't hold snort back any longer, now trying to hide my giggles. Apparently this guy thinks he is being nailed to a cross over there. I get my first dirty look from the nurse.

Patient: Oh! Stop! Stop! Please! Stop! Please don't break my bones. I can feel it breaking my bones! Please stop! Don't hurt my bones.

ER Nurse: Sir, the doctor is only shaving your chest. We can't hurt your bones.

ME: Blaaha ha ha ha!!!

I didn't even look towards the nurse and I knew she was giving me a dirty look!

On the bright side, the Patient did absolve the ER Doc and Nurse of their sins. I guess that's a plus.

The Widow of Yucaipa

It's official. I am a soccer widow. I want to know who took my husband and left me with some crazy bald guy whose butt is stuck to my sofa! He is addicted to soccer.

In the eight years I have known Randy, I've witnessed him watch sports only half-dozen times, max. Although he will testify to being a passionate sports fan, I have never actually witnessed such fervor. The times he was actually watching sports, I assumed it was due to abundant beer present. But this whole world cup soccer thing has done something funny to him. He sets his alarm clock for 6am so that he can get up, shower, get dressed and then watch soccer in our living room for 8-10 hours (or until he has to leave for work). He yells at the TV quite a bit, and schedules any kitchen or restroom breaks around half-time (or whatever it's called).

I have heard of this phenomenon from other women, but this is the first time I have actually witnessed it in my own home. I must say that it is a bit strange. Do other men normally drop random sports facts into daily conversation where it otherwise did not belong? Mine does that now. Why do they need to go have a beer after the game because, "my team lost"? What was that 6-pack of beer for during the game? Well, I better go check it out... I can hear him yelling at the TV again. Time to pretend I know what's going on and then feign some serious enthusiasm about it. 'Cause that's what a good wife does, you know.

So Much To Say...

I thought the song worked well for this blog!
So Much To Say... Dave Matthews Band

Mug Shot

Today I finally managed to complete my Respiratory Board licensing paperwork. I had to get a DMV printout, get my fingerprints, get my school transcripts, oh... and I had to have a passport-style picture taken for my license. As luck would have it, my photograph looks like a mug shot. I look like some freshly apprehended street criminal. I wonder if it had anything to do with the tube-top and daisy dukes I was wearing. Just kidding mom... I didn't really. I will try to get it scanned into the computer so you can all enjoy!

Theology 101

Now and then I like to take the opportunity to pontificate about my biblical knowledge. Yesterday, during lunch with my husband and my pal Kelly I was explaining to them something about Noah's Ark. Part of my story was about his three sons, ( Ham, Shem and Japheth) whom I referred to (seriously) as Ham, Shemp and Geppetto. Randy pointed this out to me as I continued on with my story completely unaware of my mistake. So much for being the biblical authority in our household. Why did I ever suggest that he purchase this? Sometimes it just bugs me that he is so freaking smart.

Ted

My buddy Ted is back in the hospital today. I met him about 2 months ago in the ER. He came in with chest pain and shortness of breath. But unlike the majority of our "over 70" population, he wasn't all grumpy and pathetic. He made jokes and laughed with me. Over the next few days, when I would walk past his room he'd yell out into the hallway, "Jo!! Hey kiddo, how's your day goin'?" While he was with us, I made it a point to bring him a newspaper and chat with him whenever I had some downtime. Eventually he was sent home and it was nice to say goodbye. But then to my surprise, three days later I saw him back in the ER. Again, he was placed in the hospital for another week. He told me that they just needed to get his, "medications right and then everything would be OK". After a week, they sent him home. He was sure that things were better and he'd be home for good. But now he's back, and he looks bad. He won't eat. He is constantly getting blood transfusions. His sparkle has gone. It was terrible to watch him in his bed. There was nothing I could say. I had briefly read through his charts, I knew what was going on. I don't know what Ted's future is, but I certainly wont forget him. For me, he's that one patient...

Livin' Outta Boxes...

We did it. I don't think I have experienced a move that was more exhausting. I have a few things to blog about... but I am just too tired! Currently we are living among a million boxes. Searching for any item is like an easter egg hunt from hell. I can't wait till it's all over!

The move has begun! I went and picked up the u-haul while Randy finished up a few other chores. While I managed to park the 17-foot moving van quite comfortably in a parking space near the apartment, I did, however, back the truck up against a giant tree. I can't wait to see Randy's expression when he realizes that it is impossible to actually get things into the van because of that tree against the bumper! Too funny. Let the comedy of errors begin!

Jerk...

Today I had a patient's husband say to me, "Everyone in this hospital should be fired, from the Administration on down. It is ridiculous how long we have had to sit here and wait."
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My response? "I am sorry sir, but I was downstairs working with the team trying to prevent a man from dying in the ER. Clearly I should have been here attending to your immediate needs".
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You have no idea how good it feels to not be worried about my "tip".

Moving!

Tuesday is our big day. We move closer to school and work. I hate moving. I think I have moved more than anyone I know. I counted it up the other day... and I believe that this is my 22nd move in my 29 years. You'd think I'd have it down to a science now! Ironically, I am actually scared of the day (which is coming soon... maybe the next two years) when I finally sign the loan papers on a home, and I can't just pick up and move somewhere new. I am sure I will adjust... there have been so many new changes in my life (for the better) that I am sure a permanent home would be something I could get used to.
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Oh... by the way... all the numbers managed to "add up". Pretty cool how that all works out, huh?

Blessings...

So... tonight my husband got a $100 tip from a customer! How cool is that? With gas prices as high as they are, people are just not going out to eat like they used to. The restaurant business is S-L-O-W!! Painfully. Shifts are scarce, and the tips are terrible. It has been a difficult time for everyone in the service industry. Until I pass my state boards, were are relying on Randy's job to get us through. That extra $100 is quite a blessing for us. Love that grace!

Livin' on a Prayer...

At this time last year, I wasn't even sure if I would be able to enter the respiratory program, let alone pay for it. No matter how I added up the numbers (I'm just like my father... and I add the numbers quite often!), it always appeared that we would come up short financially. Yet, somehow we made it thorough. Time and time again I was sure that all was lost, but then money seemed to come out of nowhere, and bills managed to get paid. On nearly half a dozen occasions I wished I had blogged about it, but I never did.

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The most recent blessing was when Randy and I received a letter stating that we had an old savings account worth nearly $800 that was going to be sent back to the state unless we contacted them. Seriously! It was just enough money to cover the rest of the bills we had due at the time! Yet it never fails that when the money gets low, I start to doubt. I wonder if God is finally going to let us fall. I wonder if the grace I am provided will suddenly be inversely proportionate to the sin in my life. (If that's the case, I'm toast!) I wonder if it's all just been a a really good string of luck, and the well has simply run dry. I find myself doubting even in the face of overwhelming evidence.

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The irony is that my name: Joanna Joan (I don't know why my parents did it either) means "God is gracious"... and because the name is obviously the same name twice, the full meaning of my name is "God is gracious, God is gracious". Often in the Bible a writer will use a word or group of words over and over to make a point. Maybe that's why I have the same meaning twice. Maybe it's there to remind me that grace is just that: Grace! It isn't earned, it isn't bought, and (if you know me at all) you can't smooth talk your way into grace either! That's the funny thing about grace. It just is.

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So here I sit adding up the numbers again... telling myself, "it just aint gonna happen this time there is no way the numbers are going to add up!" Sure, I made it through college. Sure we did it on a budget that was impossible. But now here I sit again wondering how Grace will find it's way into the picture. I'll let you know...

Who Flung Poo?

Ever wonder what it's like to watch a heavily intoxicated woman who was believed to be passed out on a gurney suddenly wake up, roll onto her side, drop trou, and perform her best Valsalva Maneuver? It is freaking hilarious... if, in fact, you are not hit with her projectile fecal matter.