Camel Toe vs. Soy Crisps

Two weeks from today I take my last final... so I can't really get back into the blog-of-things till then, right now I am barely hanging on to the edge of sanity!.

Over the past 9 months I have spent time with some of the most useless human beings I have ever met. They are my classmates. Don't get me wrong here, there are a handful that I really enjoy. But the rest of them can all eat poo. As it turns out, many of them have the same feelings towards me. Not just me... but my trusty sidekick, Kelly (that's her ~~>). Kelly and I met the first day of class, and by the end of that day we knew that we had found a friend for life. (By "life" I mean till June 16th... graduation!) We do EVERYTHING together.

In a classroom of nearly 32 students, there is one person who constantly lands on the top of our list of people to annoy; primarily because it is just so easy to do. She has had the same haircut since 1979 (I saw her wedding pics) and that is why we always refer to her (behind her back of course) as Farrah Fawcett. Her most noted crime is that she has a perpetual camel toe (click to see what it is, if you don't already know) that extends to her rear end, and I must say... this woman "deflowers" herself every time she wears a pair of jeans. It's just wrong. Now, please don't find me so shallow as to think that the "toe" alone is enough of a reason to torment her. Honestly, it wasn't until she personally appointed herself, "The Shusher/ Courtesy Police" that we really decided to take action. She takes every possible opportunity to regularly shush all members of the class and on occasion has been known to shuffle her way to the front of the class to make an "announcement" about how rude and annoying we all are to her. With that in mind...

It was Monday morning when I dragged myself out of bed around 5:30 AM, after only 3.5 hours of restless sleep. You can only imagine my mood! By the time I arrived to class, I had sat in traffic for nearly an hour and then hiked 15 minutes from my car to the classroom! When I finally arrived to class I quietly began to settle in for the next 8 hours of my day. By that time, our prof. had started to fill us in on what we would be covering. Farrah usually records EVERY lecture with her trusty tape recorder. Apparently she wasn't sure if she was cued up properly so she started to play that tape OUT LOUD, IN CLASS! I was distracted and didn't listen to what the prof. was saying. This was all made abundantly clear when I raised my hand to ask a question about something he had JUST covered. Farrah then took the opportunity to turn around and tell me that maybe I should, "Learn how to listen a little bit better". I was stunned. Before I could fire off a snide comeback, Kelly stepped in and told her, "Nobody could hear anything over that stupid recorder". Farrah had totally crossed the line, and we were now at war.

Unfortunately, nobody realized what a huge arsenal I brought with me to school! In my rush to get out the door and in my car, I decided to skip breakfast and just grab a bag of Soy Crisps to munch on in class. As it turns out, opening the bag was the quietest thing I did from then on. Once the lecture got started, I reached over and grabbed the bag and tore the whole thing open. Five people turned around to give me a dirty look. I smiled and continued on. (Fortunately the prof. is so self absorbed that he didn't even notice. He wouldn't care anyway, he only talks so he can hear himself! And since I feed him regularly in exchange for tutoring, he knew that he was getting some food out of this.) I handed a pile to Kelly and we started CRUNCHING away. We ate half of the bag with our mouths open. It was the most wonderful revenge I could imagine! For twenty minutes Farrah had to suffer while we crunched, munched, and swallowed. The cherry on top is when Kelly realized that if she pulled the straw out of her breakfast smoothie and sucked real hard, she could make a fantastic slurping noise too. Knowing that Farrah can't concentrate if there is ANY noise around her, Kelly and I are bringing celery to class for our final next week. Game on, Camel Toe!