Today I went to join a new tanning salon... it's a real fancy shmancy place (but because it just opened, I only paid $10 for my first month) anywhoo... fancy shmancy place and all of the tanning beds are the stand-up kind. This was pretty revolutionary to me. The last time I
tanned was, like, 5 years ago... so it's been a while, but I do recall that in the
tanning beds where you lie down, it is easy to get those white stripes across the sides of your legs. Those of you who are not card-carrying members of the beefcake club will not understand this, but the sides of your body just don't get enough light... so you are forced to rotate your body around and around in the bed (imagine a giant pig being roasted on a spit) just to get an even tan. Well apparently those days are now over for me. So today I signed up and did my first 6 minute session in the standing tanning booth. I spent those six minutes contorting my body in different positions so I didn't' have any white areas. (Imagine the Karate Kid with his arms above his head, and one leg up in front.) Because of my creativity in body positioning, and my lack of knowledge in the tanning bed technology, (apparently tanning beds, much like drugs... now stronger than they were twenty years ago) I am charred in more than just the usual areas. It seriously hurts to sit down. I didn't know that the inside of my butt cheeks were capable of picking up UV rays. But they did. Like a giant satellite. Oh, and the pictures??? Yeah, the one of the left is how I picture myself. Unfortunately, reality may be more like the one on the right. And, NO... that is not a picture of me on the right... heavens, no! Look at those eyebrows! Just wrong.
tanning beds where you lie down, it is easy to get those white stripes across the sides of your legs. Those of you who are not card-carrying members of the beefcake club will not understand this, but the sides of your body just don't get enough light... so you are forced to rotate your body around and around in the bed (imagine a giant pig being roasted on a spit) just to get an even tan. Well apparently those days are now over for me. So today I signed up and did my first 6 minute session in the standing tanning booth. I spent those six minutes contorting my body in different positions so I didn't' have any white areas. (Imagine the Karate Kid with his arms above his head, and one leg up in front.) Because of my creativity in body positioning, and my lack of knowledge in the tanning bed technology, (apparently tanning beds, much like drugs... now stronger than they were twenty years ago) I am charred in more than just the usual areas. It seriously hurts to sit down. I didn't know that the inside of my butt cheeks were capable of picking up UV rays. But they did. Like a giant satellite. Oh, and the pictures??? Yeah, the one of the left is how I picture myself. Unfortunately, reality may be more like the one on the right. And, NO... that is not a picture of me on the right... heavens, no! Look at those eyebrows! Just wrong.
2 comments:
Good article, you make some interesting points.
Tanning Salons data
Post a Comment