D.M.V. is the D.E.V.I.L.

I got this letter in the mail today:
Dear California Driver,

Drivers with crashes and traffic convictions on their records are at a greater risk of causing future crashes. Your recent record of bad driving places you at increased risk of causing crashes, injury and death. We do not want you to suffer those consequences and want to help you avoid them. We understand that you may believe you are a good driver, and yet your driving record is much worse than the average driver.

In our effort to urge you to drive safer, we are offering you a choice. You can choose to prevent further action from DMV by avoiding additional traffic convictions and by not causing any crashes. However, if you choose to continue your unsafe driving, the penalties will increase and eventually lead to probation, suspension or revocation of your driving privilege. We hope that you will decide to change, but the choice is yours.

Are they kidding me? Yes, I may have gotten two tickets in the span of three months, but those are the only two tickets I have ever gotten in my life. Where the heck was my letter for 13 years of fantastic driving? Did they even bother to notice that? What kills me most is that I have been repeatedly made fun of for YEARS because of my safe driving. I am the slow-lane kinda gal. Not that long ago, Randy was following me home on the freeway. When I finally exited the freeway, I waited for him on the side of the road. After a few minutes of waiting, I called him on my cell phone to make sure he was safe... He told he had already gotten off the freeway and was almost home. I couldn't believe it, I didn't even see him pass me! He told me that I was driving so slow he couldn't take it any longer, but I should have noticed him, he was the only person going around me on the freeway that wasn't flipping me off! In another incident, I was following a friend home who insisted he was fine, but had been drinking. As we got onto the freeway, he pulled into the fast lane and left me in the dust. The next time I saw him, he made sure to let me know how useless I was at following him because of my grandma-like driving skills.

The DMV can kiss my rear-end. (PS If they need to find me, just look in the slow lane!)