To whom it may concern,

To the woman who was screaming out of her car window at 5:30 AM this morning while I was driving to work:

Seriously, it's too early to be that angry. First of all, it was just a lane change... do you need to get that pissed? Second, I saw your middle finger the first time. When you started swinging your arm up and down with you finger in the air, YOU were the one looking like an idiot, not me! Finally, you simply are not attractive enough to be that nasty. Based upon your looks alone, you might consider compensating with niceness. Just a thought.

To the woman who made me stuff a pillow under her naked butt this morning at the hospital:

I case you hadn't noticed, that is gross. When you said, "Can you help me adjust my pillow" I didn't understand the exact location of said pillow. For future reference, my professional title is Respiratory Care Practitioner, not ass-pillow adjuster. Also, have you considered wearing underwear? Might help.

To the person who decided that 6 am - 6 pm shifts should be the industry standard:

Screw you. Nobody should have to get up at 4:30 am and then not get home till nearly 7 pm. It's just wrong.