At least I resisted the temptation to tell her some chocolate would make it all better! Other than that, I got nothing. I just don't know what to say... anyone have experience with this?
Monday, February 23, 2009
What Does A Mom Say?
"Mom, this is a picture of me, do you see the sad face and the tears? It is because I miss my Mother and I am sad."
At least I resisted the temptation to tell her some chocolate would make it all better! Other than that, I got nothing. I just don't know what to say... anyone have experience with this?
At least I resisted the temptation to tell her some chocolate would make it all better! Other than that, I got nothing. I just don't know what to say... anyone have experience with this?
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2 comments:
ugh...i know...adoption is such a sticky topic. i think as moms we want to A) make it "all better" and B)we want them to think of us as their everything and not miss their birth parents, especially when these parents may not have been the best parents for these kids. and both are unrealistic. there are so many schools of thought out there, i guess for little kids i subscribe to a quick sympathetic statement, a reminder they are loved, and then a move to another topic. i try to remain balanced. i don't want to dwell on the sadness and feed depression, i don't want to gloss over it completely like i don't care, and i don't want to come across as deregatory( i can't spell) about their birth family. i also try to make sure i bring up their birth families at other times, so that we aren't talking about them ONLY when the kids are feeling sad, depressed, angry, or confused. the older kids are able to tell some happy stories, for the younger kids we can show the few pictures we have and talk about things like "i think you have her nose." or talk about what their parents names are, how many birth siblings they have. whatever. i don't think it has to be much when they are so young. i guess i am just wanting my kids to grow up always knowing who they are and where they came from, while also knowing i love them to pieces and i accept them as they are- even when that means they are missing parents that weren't exactly great to them in the first place.
i am proud of lacy for being able to express herself like this. and she obviously feels like you accept her for her to tell you about it. that is so good. :) i know it is hard to know what to do....but just follow your gut, and keep it appropriate for a 3 year old, and you'll do fine.
Jo ... I am Jen from anickelsworthofcommonsense. I followed your link from my comments and wanted to connect with you - and then I saw this post. I remember, DEARLY, how painful it was to see my sons grieve, and how I wanted to be "enough" but realized I wasn't, and couldn't fill that gap. I would love to talk to you more - because I DO have some ideas, but not sure if you want to do it here or not. Please feel free to email me. Jensboys@shaw.ca
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