Oh Lacy...

After another strange episode where I found water all over the kitchen floor and Lacy in the middle of it all only wearing soaking wet underwear...

"Let me explain... it was the dog" she informed me.

I decided it wasn't worth the investigative time and said, "well, live and learn, Lacy!" Her response???

"Live and Learn? What the HELL does that mean mom?"

I had to bite my lip. "First of all, we don't use the term "hell", and I am sorry if you heard me use that word before, it was wrong."

"Ooooh, I get it, mom. "Hell" is one of those words we only use in private."

"Ummm.. well, we really shouldn't use it at all, but yeah. Don't say "what the hell" to any teachers, at church, or in front of your grandparents."

"Got it!"

A Prayer

When Lacy came to live with us back in 07, the majority of her belongings that she had were tossed. Among the few items I saved was a bible that her birth mom had allegedly left for her. (I actually mentioned this bible to her b/m the one and only time I met her, and she affirmed that the bible was a gift from her to Lacy).

Over the last few days during all of the "other mother drama" I brought the bible out and told Lacy her mother had left it for her. (Now, I'm not one to judge here...) buuuuut the bible is pretty dumpy. (Heretic, I know!) It's King James version, but whatever. It's all Lacy has of her other mother.

Tonight Lacy asked to see the bible again, so I pulled it out and let her take it to bed. I told her that I didn't want her to ruin this lovely memory (I do have a heart, I really do!) so I'd be happy to buy her a nice kid's bible to enjoy!

"Oh yes", she said. "But can it be pink with sparkles?"

"Ummm... I don't really know if they make pink sparkly bibles"

So as Lacy climbed into bed she prayed, "Dear God, please may I have a pink bible with sparkles... even if the sparkles can only be on one side. Amen."

I am now trying to figure out how to get a pink bible with sparkles! Anyone know where to get a Liberace version of the bible?

NOTE: awwww yeahhhh! I found a pink bible right here!... now I just need some sparkles!

Just Singin'

Lacy climbed up on one of our living room tables/her stage (yeah, I am THAT kind of mother... while you are judging me, please note that she is STILL in her pj's and not wearing her glasses! GASP!) with a marker/microphone in her hand and announced that she had a song to perform. I thought her tune went something like this...

I want to marry Daddy
But he already married Mommy
So let's HIRE mommy, let's HIRE mommy...

only to listen to her a little closer to hear:

LET'S FIRE MOMMY! LET'S FIRE MOMMY!

"Wait a second, did you just sing 'Let's FIRE Mommy?"

"Ummm... oops. Was that one of those times my words are rude? Soooorry."

.

.

.

.

And then there is this...

For Valentine's Day her Grams bought her this pillow that was designed for travelers to wear around their necks when they sleep. We all thought it was a great idea so Lacy's head didn't bob around ... obviously Lacy preferred to use it for it's fashion possibilities! Only Lacy! Yes, this is exactly how Lacy looks when we drive around.

Only Lacy...

"Could you please keep the noise down? My boobs are trying to get some sleep!"

"Mom, I am going to make you stop talking by using my magical powers... hmm... my powers don't seem to be working right now."

Lacy and the Spork.

I spent most of the day willing myself not to barf. Finally this afternoon I couldn't hold back any longer and I experienced the ice cream cone we shared for the second time. While my head was in the sink Lacy strolled on over and said to me, "Hey mom... just between you and me, maybe this baby wasn't such a good idea." It's a curious experience to laugh and yack at the same time!

On the days (most of them) when I can't stomach the smell of food, I tend to take Lacy to the drive-thru for dinner. The one place I can handle is Taco Bell (crazy pregnancy thing!). Not surprisingly, today was one of those days.

As we pulled up, Lacy was begging me to go inside to sit down and not use the drive thru. I was feeling a bit better so I told her we could go inside and eat. As we started to walk in she turned to me and said, "Mom, you need to try hard not to barf in here. Try REAL hard, got it?" I promised to do my best.

Upon finding a booth, I decided to introduce Lacy to the spork. I'm pretty sure she'd never seen one before and I was excited to hear her take on it.

"Check this out, Lace! It's a spork"

"Mom, it's called a FORK"

"No, look... it's a spoon and a fork. We call it a spork."

"MOM. THAT IS A FORK."

"No, really, look it is a spoon on the bottom and a fork on the top. They call that a SPORK. See? Spoon.... Fork.... cool huh?"

"Ummm.... no, (refusing to take it) I'm not so sure about that thing. No thanks."

Baby Poop

Me: "Hey Lace... are you gonna help me out with the baby when it comes?"

L: "Yeah, sure!"

Me: "Are you gonna change diapers?"

L: "Ohhhh Noooo. No way. I might get poop on my hands or on my sleeves. But I will bring you gloves when YOU change the diapers. It's your job anyway!"

Oh... and if you recall the Grampy Hat... Lacy is still wearing it. Sorry the picture stinks, but I can't seem to find my real camera!

It's A Hard Knock Life!

Today while at (yet another) doctor's appointment, Lacy turned to her father and with her fists up, squinting one eye, and in her best tough voice she said...

"Go get my ventilator or I will punch you in the face!"

As if to secure our position as the worlds worst parents, we both burst into laughter right then.

Hmmm... I think she may have watched Annie one too many times. Her favorite scene is the one where Annie fights the bully in the orphanage. Lacy jumps up in front of the TV and swings her fist along with Annie!

Well, I may get called into the school office once or twice, but Lacy will certainly take care of herself!

And in case you were wondering... she has indeed called me Miss Hannigan a few times. She finds this pretty funny. "We love you Miss Hannigan" she hollars down the hall!

The OC Fair

Other than a few vague memories from childhood, I had never "experienced" the fair. At least not the way the Isley's experience the fair. Thankfully, my husband introduced me to an entirely new summer indulgence shortly after we were married, and I have never looked back! In Southern California, there are two big fairs from which to choose: the Orange County Fair and the Los Angeles County Fair. I prefer the latter (yes, even with the risk of a gang shooting), however, we occasionally partake in the former as a "warm-up" of sorts.

The OC Fair is everything you would imagine... and more. There are pigs, goats, carnies, rides, funnel cakes, music, women indigenous only to Orange County, and porta pottys all mixed up in one ferociously overpriced outdoor event not far from the beach.

Obviously, it was due time for Lacy to visit the fair!

.

.

.

.

.

Randy and Lacy spent some time bonding over a funnel cake and eight dollars worth of "freshly squeezed" lemonade...

.

.

.

.

.

.

Lacy discovered that the fair is NOTHING like Disneyland. At the fair, the workers don't care if you can't get your seat belt off or if you can't manage to get yourself off of the little "magic carpet" ride... they just want to make their eight bucks an hour and get on with it.

.

.

.

.

Possibly against my better judgement, I allowed Lacy to ride this slide. All. By. Her. Self. As a child, Randy was hurt pretty badly on this same ride. He was none to pleased when her turned around to find Lacy climbing up the stairs alone except for the potato sack she would ride to the bottom. It is not often that Randy gets mad at me, but he was pretty irked. I spent the rest of the seven minutes at the bottom of the slide praying she would be okay. She was..

.

.

Except for a small raspberry Lacy got on her arm when she used her elbow as a breaking mechanism towards the end of the ride.In the end, everything is always made better with batter-fried potatoes covered in salt and nacho cheese sauce.

Oh, and for those of you following Lacy's crazy comments, I have two memorable ones from last week:

Lacy: "So, let me get this straight... you love daddy."

Me: "Yes"

Lacy: "And daddy loves you."

Me: "Yes"

Lacy: "And everybody is okay with this?"

No lie, that is EXACTLY what she said. I am sure she saw it on a movie or TV show, but I just can't figure it out. The second thing she said was in the middle of dinner with my mother and sister-in-law after the fair last Friday night. But first let me give you a little back story... Lacy (yes, my THREE YEAR OLD), is learning her states & capitals, and her presidents. She is totally into it. While at Target the other day, she found flash cards with the presidents on them and we bought them for her. Now, every single day she stands in front of us with her pile of cards and asks, "who is this guy" to which we reply "Thomas Jefferson" (or whatever prez is on the card) and she usually repeats the name a few times then puts that card down and brings up the next. One of the cards she found particularly interesting was John F Kennedy. We explained that he had been assassinated (of course she wanted to know what the word meant... and by the way, now uses the term correctly!). So back to the dinner on Friday night... Lacy announced in the middle of dinner that, "John F Kennedy was shot in the frickin head with a frickin gun!" We all about fell over. To some extent, Lacy reminds me of Scout from the book To Kill A Mockingbird. She loves to use words (bad words too) purely for shock value. Yes, she is only THREE!!!

Yes, she said it!

Lacy: "Are you guys my crazy little parents?"

Us: "yes, we are your parents"

Lacy: "Good. I don't want to be paying for nothing"

.

.

.

A few days ago Lacy and I went to Trader Joe's for some groceries. As to be expected, Lacy scored a balloon. On the way home, Lacy's tiny balloon went out of the car window and as she pulled it back into the car, the string just couldn't hold on any longer and she lost her balloon. Instant melt down! Tears EVERYWHERE! I tried to convince her that she still had a lovely string to play with, but that didn't go over very well. So we stopped at the party store down the street and she picked out a giant balloon in the shape of the number three. Randy just gave me "the look" when I told him it was $10. Oh well, Lacy loves it, right?